Too Many Years and Not Enough Days - Kelly K

I really hope I never fall into this common rut and if I do I hope it is not for long.

For people in recovery and in the recovery field it is possible to forget what it was like to have 1,10,30,60,90 days. I have heard it called having "too many years and not enough days."

New people come into the program with a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, and self pity. These are very real to that new person - even if they are imaginary.

Far too often, "people with (sober) time" seem to forget what it was like to be sleepless because their legs ache from opiate withdrawal. "People with time" forget the feeling of being plagued with self pity because they had lost everything at the age of 20,30,40 or 50 (or even worse - 60 or 70).  Most "old timers" who are practicing a good program will know to approach the new person with patience, tolerance, love, and understanding. Most of us remember what it was like to be new. Often, the new person will come in with legal problems such as

• DUI
  
• heroin possession
• cocaine possession
• illegal prescriptions
• methamphetamine possession
• LSD possession
• oxy possession
• suboxone possession

Some people have even or worse circumstances such as a violent crime, a suicide attempt, the death of a friends or family member, or any other types of severe trauma. No one is a mind reader, but the person who has overcome challenges in recovery will understand that people do not come to the program or a treatment center because everything is just going peachy in their lives. Almost all will arrive with painful baggage.  These feelings and emotions are like raw nerves in recovery -  without drugs or alcohol to cover them up. The last person a newcomer needs to come in contact with is a person who does not understand what it is like to be new and suffer through incomprehensible demoralization. 

When people say things to the newcomer like like "why can’t you do these things like others can?"  Or "Why can you not wake up and pray to a God (that you do not trust)?" Or "If you do not finish your fifth step, you're drunk" does not help them, and shows that the person asking these questions might not understand what it's like to feel that way.

I can remember being chased out of the A.A. program as well as expensive paid treatment facilities and even indigent detoxes, because of people that did not understand what it was like to be new. "I remember saying if that is what getting clean and sober is all about. They can have it. I would rather die."
It is a serious problem.Consider the perspective of the newcomer before you criticize or get impatient with them.

-  Kelly K.